olive garden receives another warm welcome

OK, I wasn’t going to do it, but given the proliferation of excellent reviews on the Olive Garden, I have to add mine.

It was late in the summer of 1999 and we had just moved from Berkeley to rural Connecticut on a choking, dripping hot night, one of those nights that trick you into thinking it might rain at any moment. Californians can’t handle humidity; their blood is too thick and innocent. They count on the sun to rise in the morning and a gentle fog blanket at night.  I hadn’t experienced a hot night in almost ten years.

So we’re in our little cottage in the woods, half-naked and savage, crowded in by a sheen of oily sweat and by boxes, and it’s so late and we can’t breathe.  The electric fans are hopelessly, helplessly buried.  We’re a good 30 miles from civilization.  The crawling, singing things throb around us, pressing us in through the open windows.

I had just seen The Blair Witch Project, and with the keening of the forest and the cats bugging out and our soft California reality rotting into vampire meat there was absolutely no doubt whatsoever that the witches of the Joshua’s Tract Conservation and Historic Land Trust were closing in.

We have to leave.


We have to leave. Now.

The car has air conditioning.  We drive.  There has to be somewhere cool to go, somewhere to wait it out…

Olive Garden.

I have no idea what we ate.


4 thoughts on “olive garden receives another warm welcome

  1. Stuart 11 March 2012 / 5:05 pm

    Olive Garden is an excellent place to take your Grandmother from Mississippi to dine on what she thinks is authentic Italian food, based on old family recipes from the Davvero Autentica Gardino Cucina di Oliva Merda. It’s also good if you’re in college, have $6, and want to eat LOTS of salad and bread sticks.


  2. Emily 15 March 2012 / 9:50 am

    I don’t get it. What prompted this – it’s not even April 1?!


  3. Eugenia 15 March 2012 / 9:55 am

    Click the links — I almost always have hidden treasures there! :) (Reviewing OG was big news in the food world last week.)


  4. emily 16 March 2012 / 10:21 pm

    I did read those yesterday, and I guess I was left with a funny feeling about those reviews too. Although the prank article was sort of humorous. But all of this Olive Garden discussion is starting to make me feel a little dirty, like the couple of times I’ve joined a work celebration and ate too much of the OG’s alleged “Portuguese sausage soup”. :)


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